I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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