So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
