I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think my vagina is haunted
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
