capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
