3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
