I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
