just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize