I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
