have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
