In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
