We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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