Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
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I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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