Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
