thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Randomize
