Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
