Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
