If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
