did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
