wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
