you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm like, not good at living.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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