all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
