just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
