when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Damn victory sex feels great
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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