I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
