Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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