so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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