I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Slut skills are useful in every country.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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