I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I think people are normalizing furries
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
