don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
