hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
