I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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