The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
