I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
