dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
