The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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