I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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