I just found puke in my bra..
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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