My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
