I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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