TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
