had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
