No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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