and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
