I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
