Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
