You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
