I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize