I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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