WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
