Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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