i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You smell like stripper and shame
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
