A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
only you would photoshop your dick
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
