I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
