She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize