Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So squirting runs in the family.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Boobs are out for the taking
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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