Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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