its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize
