just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My liver just had a heart attack.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
