Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
