woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
ttyl tear gas
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
