he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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