It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
