Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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