the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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