I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
