if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
