apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
