we're blogging at a bar
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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