one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
