I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
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Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
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I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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