look no pants
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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