do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
