I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
